Do you call me?

Posted on by estlh

And do you call me?
And do I hear?
As the dawn floods the sky
With light
I am listening
But do I hear?
Or am I hiding?
Hiding from the truth
That does not fit with
My plan.
My dreams.
My ideals.
Sat here since the sky
Was black
And the world I looked out upon
Was still
I pondered
Nervously.
Unsure, uneasy.
Giving conditionally.
Holding back.
Waiting to see if
I could have my way.
It is too bright now.
Everything illuminated by the
Morning sun.
Nowhere left to hide.
I shut my eyes tight;
What I can’t see
Can’t see me.
Fool.
Looking again
I see the life that comes with
The light.

But am I listening?

A Poem for Valentines day

Posted on by estlh

I posted this one a few years ago, but I am sharing it again for Valentine’s day.

Show me again the tree beneath whose boughs we one time laid
While dappled sunshine warmed our skin and daring plans were made
Sit with me once again beneath the knarled and ancient limbs
And reminisce those sunny hours until the daylight dims

Show me again the river wide upon whose banks we lay
While summers breeze blew over us and we whiled the day away
Lie with me once again among the luscious burn side grass
And hand in mine gaze heavenward to watch the white clouds pass

Show me again the tenderness which caught for you my heart
The gentle touch and whispered words your true love did impart
Hold me once more in loving arms, my head against your chest
And marvel with me at how our life most truly has been blest.

Journey Home

Posted on by estlh

There is nothing that can prepare you for the roller coaster of emotions you board when you become a parent. And once on, there is no getting off. As your children grow, the worries and the joys may change in nature, but there is no denying or avoiding them.

It is 16 months now since we first dropped our son off at his university accommodation. Each holiday he returns for a period, but the time always goes way to fast, and before we know it it is time for him to go back for the next term. 

This poem was written while sat in the passenger seat on the dreary drive home, after dropping him off.

I feel such pride and sadness
in a moment
I do not wish to end
When
at last
I release you from my embrace
I smile,
Utter two inadequate words of emotion
And walk away

After a few steps I turn and wave
And in that instant I have the urge
to run back
and embrace you again
but I don’t

Instead I reach out and open
the car door with a sigh
then turn
and wave once more
before taking my seat for a tiresome journey
to a home
that will no longer
hold you

Once upon a December

Posted on by estlh

Yes, I know I’m a little late with posting this one, but it all got a bit busy in the run up to Christmas. The prompt for this poem was “Once upon a December…” Here is what I wrote

Once Upon a December night
The sky was dark but the stars were bright
I took your hand and gave a smile
we lost the whole world for a while
Once Upon a December night
A frosty cold December night

Once Upon a December Eve
As snowflakes settled on my sleeve
we danced beneath the sky, carefree
So cold but happy as could be
Once upon a December Eve
A happy cold December Eve

Once Upon a December morn
As choir’s sung of messiah born
You took my hand and asked of me
myself, while down on bended knee
Once upon a December morn
A happy bright December morn

Now upon this December day
While children wait to see the sleigh
You smile at them and pull me near
to breathe devotion in my ear
now upon this December day
This joyful bright December day

Advent Poetry 1

Posted on by estlh

Last year I tried doing a poem a day during advent – I had found a poetry prompt advent calender online. Bur I only managed about 6 before I got too busy with all of the other pre  Christmas tasks. This year I didn’t even start until a week in, but hopefully I can fit in more than last year in the next 16 days.

The first prompt was “Once upon a December” so this is what I wrote

Once upon a December night
When sky was dark but stars were bright
I took your hand and gave a smile,
We lost the whole world for a while
That frosty cold December night

Once upon a December eve
As snowflakes settled on my sleeve
We danced beneath the sky, care free.
So cold but happy as could be
That cheery crisp December eve

Once upon a December morning
As carols told of Christ child born
You took my hand and asked of me
myself, while down on bended knee.
Oh such happy December morn

Once upon a December day
While children wait to see the sleigh
You smile at them then pull me near
To breath devotion in my ear
This joyful bright December day



Stronger than I think

Posted on by estlh

You aspired to silence me;
To still my tongue
And prevent the telling of my tale.


For a while I acquiesced,
My passion gone,
Crushed by the demands of solitude.

I lay mute and diffident
And languished long
In lethargic denial of strength.


But do not think that you have won,
Have gained your end
And doused the fire that burns within me.


For though the embers grow dim
New breath brings life,
Reigniting flames that grow once more.


My voice will be heard again
Like none before
Bursting forth, my song will carry truth


To all who have hearts open to hear.

Twisted

Posted on by estlh

I have a stash of old notebooks full of thoughts and scribblings. Some pages hold just odd lines or paragraphs, some poems I have maybe just started and never finished. And some have finished poems that I have long forgotten writing, or have never shown to anyone. I can lose hours reading back through these notebooks. Sometimes I am looking for inspiration – to take a line or a half finished poem and make something of it. But also I get lost in memories. Many of my poems, especially the older ones are really just me putting my feelings down on paper. As I read them I can remember what I was doing when I wrote them, or why I was feeling a certain way. I can also see how I have changed over the years – how as I have grown my perspective has changed and my confidence grown. This poem was written at a period when I was lacking in self confidence and was a bit of a social chameleon.

I twisted myself up

I turned round and round

and got all tangled.

And then I had to unwind myself,

the other way round and round.

And when I fell on my behind

it wasn’t funny;

it hurt.

Even though I deceived you

when I sat there and laughed.

But the tears that rolled

down my reddened cheeks

were not the result of a

burst of hysteria.

My eyes all screwed up,

the tears fell from

sudden pain.

To be young

Posted on by estlh

A few days ago I was having a conversation with someone about attitudes towards young people. Particularly the judgement thrown at them purely for acting like they are young and inexperienced and know less of the world. We have all been there at some point  – we all learn as we travel through life. Admittedly, some of us learn better than others, and sometimes we learn the wrong lessons altogether. But being young is not inherently a bad thing, and is something an individual has absolutely no control over!

This conversation brought to mind a poem I wrote back when I was a youth and was feeling judged for being young. It took a lot of rummaging through old notebooks but I eventually found it. Written when I was just the tender age of 16, here it is

The dying hate us
For we are still being born.
As we laugh and joke
They shake their heads in disapproval;
We are living too much for them.
They love the life they are dying,
why should we live more than they can?

They try to take our life from us
They complain to everyone
And grumble remarks as we pass.
We can do no right.
If we try to live a little bit for them,
To rejuvenate their dying breath,
They do not want to know.
Our life threatens them,
And they are untrusting and suspicious.

Their birth was so long ago,
It is forgotten,
And they cannot understand those
Who live like they’ll die tomorrow.

Listen to the kids

Posted on by estlh

When my children were small I had a notebook in which I would write down some of the cute things that they said. For example, the time my son asked “why do you have beard on your arms daddy?” or the time my daughter rolled her eyes back as far as she could and exclaimed in disappointment “I just can’t see my eyebrows!”. But as well as being entertaining some of the things they said were actually quite insightful and poignant. When someone recently shared a video of kids being asked what it meant to be kind, some of the answers were really quite profound. It got me thinking about how as we get older we sometimes make things unnecessarily complicated when to children they seem straightforward. Children see the world through very different eyes to adults. As adults we have been shaped and damaged by life experiences and although these are unique for each of us, we all have something of cynicism, prejudice and pain in the lens through which we view things. Children often speak with a refreshing honesty too, saying things we would be too embarrassed to say, and seeing straight to the heart of a situation when we may have to peel back layers of assumption and expectation to reach the same point. Maybe listening to what children have to say sometimes, can help remind us of what is really important.

I listened to a child today
She spoke with a wisdom that belied her years
And gifted me her insight.

I listened to a child today
She spoke with the reasoning of innocence
And opened my jaded eyes

I listened to a child today
She spoke with a compassion that shamed me
But filled me with such bright hope

I listened to a child today
She spoke of such wondrous possibilities
And made me pause and ponder

I listened to a child today
She showed me everything I could become
And gave me desire to fly

DAY 14

Posted on by estlh

Today’s prompt was to write a poem in a single sentence begining” She told me”

She told me once about an amazing day, 
when the sun had shone down 
from the bluest of clear skies 
upon a child of undetermined age 
while she skipped gleefully through the field, 
wiggling her fingers through the waist length grass 
that was dappled with the reds and yellows of wildflowers 
and hummed with the frenetic activity of 
creatures she could not yet name, 
but which fascinated her curious eyes, 
hungry eyes that drank in every drop of the 
idyllic scene, 
before he found her 
and roughly grabbing her arm 
dragged her back to her 
cold, grey-skyed reality.